Church starts in 14 minutes. This can't be long. I do live in the church, so it doesn't take long to get there...but still must hurry.

I had an absolutely fabulous weekend. Only could have been better if Eric hadn't been out of town. Friday night I cooked dinner for the staff. Our area director (boss over 4 sites) was in town...and his fiancee was coming in that night. On Friday he offered that I could invite my boyfriend if I wanted. Too bad he was out of state. Thus began one of the many thoughts of, "I wish Eric could come to this." lol.

We watched fireworks on Friday night. Well, they watched. I listened. All cuddly and warm in my sleeping bag. Not really a fan of fireworks. As we were walking to our watching location, I noticed the street name...and noted that this was where Eric and I walked when we decided to start dating. awww....how sweet.

Saturday we volunteered at the parade in the park across the street for awhile. Handed out ice cream. Judged kids' games. Hot dog lunch. Even got a certificate for helping! The afternoon was pretty uneventful, but we were told there was a 10 piece band playing in the park at 7. I also knew of a band playing at the ale house at 9 or 10. I called DC to see if he'd be interested in either. He said he could make it to the ale house. I went. You know what this means. I GOT TO DANCE!!!

Do you realize that I hadn't danced in like a month?! That is a long time. And it'd been a month before that. I am deprived. So I danced with DC and this man named Tad. Both marvelous. Lots of fun. Leeann came, too. Then we went back home and to bed.

8:53. Time to head downstairs.

Oh how I wish there was a way for me to dance on weeknights. Wish more than EVER.

I just finished a somewhat long online application for a job that...I would love. And yet...a large part of me did not want to apply for this job. This job is, of course, in Rockford. It was my favorite client as an auditor. Love the staff. Love the organization. Love the atmosphere. It's maybe 5-10 minutes from my house. This job would be absolutely ideal...

...if it weren't for my being in love with a man in Milwaukee.


I wish I could just make a decision to only apply for jobs in Milwaukee, but I can't. Ok, sure, I could, I know. But I really want God's direction on this decision. It would be easy for me to decide that Eric and I met for a reason this year and it all worked together perfectly. I'm glad we both feel the same on this. Eric said that he almost wanted to request that I only look for jobs in Milwaukee, but he couldn't. It's not enough to just fall in love. I'm not saying this to diminish love. But I'm also not of the opinion that there is only that one soulmate out there for me. That this might be my one and only chance. I don't buy it. I'm sure there are others that I could fall deeply in love with. Could marry. Could live happily ever after with. Might as well complete the fairy tale.

Basically, I guess I'm saying that if it's meant to be, it will be.


There are times when I feel unsure. Like it's inevitable that I will be stripped away from this place. Away from Eric. That my heart will be torn in two.

And then there are days like today that are such...perfection that it seems preposterous that I would ever contemplate leaving.

And yet I know it's a possibility. And I know I'm no closer to making a decision than I was months ago.

But I do have an auditing firm calling me to talk more on Thursday morning. It's not an official interview to my knowledge. This firm is in IL. They have an opening in Aurora. They may have one in Rockford by the time I'd be ready to start.

As each day passes, I'm more and more torn. Wanting God's direction...and having no idea what that is yet.

I knew that it was a possibility. Actually, I knew that it was probable. Inevitable at some point. It has happened before. I'm sure it will happen again. But today...I'm not sure that today can be topped.

I'm not generally a "list" person, but this has to be done in the form of a countdown.

The following conversations/scenarios all occurred today between the hours of 11am and 3pm. They are listed in reverse chronological order, simply because...it's best that way. You'll see why.


I had been talking to two people at Shepherd House. We'll call them Fred* and Fannie*. At one point, I had either left briefly and come back, or had just gotten up to leave and Fannie asks me, "Are you a boy or a girl?"

I told her that I was a girl.

I found this more amusing because 1) we had been conversing for 30 minutes or so and 2) this was instance #5 of the day.


Also at Shepherd House. I was talking to Evelyn*. She just flat out asks, "Are you a boy?"

I said that I was not.


Now, I can understand Fannie and Evelyn being a bit confused about my gender because...they are both getting up there in age and alzheimers is starting to set in for at least Evelyn. However, this next woman does not have that excuse.

Back up the time to noon. We're leaving Trinity Village. We were also working in the nursing home segment of this building. As we walk out, I say goodbye to the receptionist. It was a different person than when we came in. A woman this time. She was old enough to be my mother, but not my grandmother (unless she looked really good for her age).

As we walked out, she responded saying, "Bye ladies!...*3 second pause*...and young man!"

I should note here that our group consisted of nothing but females. We all cracked up after we made it out the door, knowing that she thought I was a boy.


I'm at Trinity Village talking to Sandy*. I had just finished talking to another resident and one of the adult leaders started to introduce me a bit to Sandy. When she told her that my name was Lauren, Sandy was a bit surprised and said, "Lauren? You don't look like a girl." The adult leader assured her that I was, resulting in Sandy's response of, "Are you sure?"

Laughter.


Are you ready for this?

I was talking to Mary* for awhile. A bit into the conversation, she asked my name. I said it was Lauren and I held up my name tag to show her how it was spelled (she didn't have perfect hearing). Her response to this was, "Lauren? That's interesting. Not Lawrence...interesting name." That last sentence was said in a "hmm" sort of tone.

After this remark, I suspected that Mary assumed I was a boy. I didn't want to take the effort to correct her. She hadn't yet made any direct remarks so I didn't want to be all, "You know I'm a girl, right?"

Later on, we talked about ages. Mary thought I was 15. I told her I was 25 (I will be in 6 days - I'm allowed to round up now). She was shocked by this. Completely. Here is the resultant conversation:

Mary: Are you engaged? (25 is obviously too old to not be married)
Lauren: No. I'm dating someone though. (I took care with my phrasing here as my suspicions were that she thought I was male. I thought throwing out the "boyfriend" term could have ill effects. Part of me wishes I had done it...but then the line below may have never been said.)
Mary: Are you in love?
Lauren. Yes.
*as I got up to leave*
Mary: Well, you're a very nice young boy. I'd marry you if you weren't already engaged.

That's right. I got a marriage proposition. From a woman. An elderly woman. Be jealous.

It made my day.


*Names have been changed to protect the...confused.