Can I be honest and say that I wouldn't be surprised if I burst out into tears today?
Can I be real and say my heart is not in this?
That this just isn't me? That I sometimes wish I would have taken the cop-out back in January? That I would have gotten fired at training? That I feel like this is taking away a part of my soul?
Yes, I'll snap out of this. I know how to put on a happy face. I know I'll survive this week. There are only 7 weeks left, including this one. I know I can make it through this. I know that I'll have fun during some of it, too.
But I don't feel like I'm being a help here. I feel like leading these short-term mission trips is pushing me farther from God than I have been in quite some time. And I don't know how to reconnect. Not in the midst of this. I can't aid youth in growing closer to God when trying to do so makes me fall out of love with Him. When it takes away my passion.
When I really just don't think I can anymore.
Comments (5)
*hug* I know that feeling. That was two years of Christian college for me. I ended up further from God than I've ever been...and then I built my faith from the group up again...and I've never been happier.
I'm sorry. I've been neglecting my page and now I feel bad, because it seems I've been neglecting seeing how you are, as well.
*hugs* from farther away.
Sounds like you need to recognize what's going on: It's the humans.
The humans are annoying you.
p.s.
I can't understand why people think you're a guy.
Maybe it's your physique.
@FreeHugs_KissesWillCostYou - @Viewtiful_Justin - @singnelise@datingish - @jack - Thanks for the encouragement. I was kind of surprised that I'd written this so early in this summer. We had just started. Dang. No wonder I didn't survive. And...this was the day before my birthday. How sad.