I just finished a somewhat long online application for a job that...I would love. And yet...a large part of me did not want to apply for this job. This job is, of course, in Rockford. It was my favorite client as an auditor. Love the staff. Love the organization. Love the atmosphere. It's maybe 5-10 minutes from my house. This job would be absolutely ideal...
...if it weren't for my being in love with a man in Milwaukee.
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I wish I could just make a decision to only apply for jobs in Milwaukee, but I can't. Ok, sure, I
could, I know. But I really want God's direction on this decision. It would be easy for me to decide that Eric and I met for a reason this year and it all worked together perfectly. I'm glad we both feel the same on this. Eric said that he almost wanted to request that I only look for jobs in Milwaukee, but he couldn't. It's not enough to just fall in love. I'm not saying this to diminish love. But I'm also not of the opinion that there is only that one soulmate out there for me. That this might be my one and only chance. I don't buy it. I'm sure there are others that I could fall deeply in love with. Could marry. Could live happily ever after with. Might as well complete the fairy tale.
Basically, I guess I'm saying that if it's meant to be, it will be.
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There are times when I feel unsure. Like it's inevitable that I will be stripped away from this place. Away from Eric. That my heart will be torn in two.
And then there are days like today that are such...perfection that it seems preposterous that I would ever contemplate leaving.
And yet I know it's a possibility. And I know I'm no closer to making a decision than I was months ago.
But I do have an auditing firm calling me to talk more on Thursday morning. It's not an official interview to my knowledge. This firm is in IL. They have an opening in Aurora. They may have one in Rockford by the time I'd be ready to start.
As each day passes, I'm more and more torn. Wanting God's direction...and having no idea what that is yet.
Comments (3)
Something will push you in one direction or the other. You'll end up where you need to be...just have faith. Sometimes, it's better to let the tide take you where it will and just stop fighting the waves quite so hard. You'll be okay. No matter what, it will be okay.
-Becky
Oh, girl...that's SUCH a hard position to be in. I know that feeling.
@akatiegirl@datingish - You're right. As usual. And it kind of came to the point when I realized that God's direction was to let me make the decision. That it was my choice to make. And I choose Milwaukee. I don't yet know the details, but I do know it will all come together.
@Viewtiful_Justin - Part of me still feels like I'm in it, even though I know at some point I will be moving to Milwaukee. I'm showing my house tomorrow to a potential renter. Maybe things will all work out perfectly again. They probably will.